|
1989 |
 |
If you build it he will
come…and if you watch it, you’ll have fun. I Love 1989 part deux, the sequel,
Strikes Back with the new Batman, the teenage Dr. Doogie, the ever popular
whining Thirtysomethings, the cop-slapping Zsa Zsa. We have traded in the
Berlin-Wall-falling-international affair for the more universal When Harry
Met Sally affairs of the heart. Bo might not know Diddley…but Bo knows 1989!
I’m Batman…that’s right… “no more Mr. Mom” says Michael
Keaton as he prepares to go face to face with the Jack The Joker Nicholson with
a little help from an anatomically correct latex body suit…I mean, why go to the
gym when you could put on some fake abs. That’s how they did it in 89…screw
Jenny Craig. But seriously, “wait’ll you get a load of” Jack…he was the reason
we went to
Gotham in the summer of 89…him and a post-9-and-a-half-week coital Kim Basinger…it
was pouty lips for everyone. Holy menage a trois, Batman…this is not your
father’s Batman. But these co-dependent, dysfunctional relationships were
nothing compared to the group whining and psychodrama exhibited by Michael,
Hope, Elliot, and the Thirtysomething gang. They redefined what it meant to be
self-absorbed…why me, waaah, waah, my yuppy life-style is so tough, my BMW is
always in the shop, my wife’s a selfish bitch, my boss is keeping me down…waaah,
waaah, waaah! In 1989, we couldn’t get enough of this shit.
From driving us crazy to Driving Miss Daisy…how nice it
must be to have a chauffeur, how nice to make friends, how nice to see Dan
Aykroyd get so big and fat…and serious in this movie. No more “cheeseburger,
cheeseburger” or “mission from God” for him. No suh, it was all about taking
care of his mama with a little help from Morgan “Hoke” Freeman. Why use a
Clapper when you had Hoke? Not that they had the Clapper back in the day to aid
and abet society’s slow descent to complete lethargy and laziness…I mean if you
can’t get up to turn the lights off you shouldn’t be permitted to do
anything…maybe a visit from Doogie Howser, MD would help get you on your feet…or
would you prefer a Doobie Howser? The teen genius phenomenon was huge in the
80’s, but Doogie was the one…unfortunate name, but he was the one…the one who
kept it all so real. He didn’t smoke or drink or sneak out of the house with
Vinnie Delpino…or gamble on baseball like Pete Rose and his Charlie Hustle hair
cut. Nope. Doogie was alright! We do wonder though, why he didn’t choose to
become an O.B.G.Y.N. and work as Cindy Crawford’s house doctor on MTV House Of
Style? That would’ve been cool.
Doogie did try to keep people alive though…they could
have used him on Weekend At Bernie’s…a strange concept…two days in the hot sun,
one dead host, and two guys desperate to keep up illusions. Only through movie
magic could the smell of a rotting corpse be explained away. Imagine that page
in the Choose Your Own Adventure Book… “Go to page 98…oops, you’re dead…but
we’re gonna pretend you’re alive so that the other characters can party at your
house and try to get laid while Samantha Fox and her boobs are still eager to
Have Some Fun.”
Yup, I Love 1989 Strikes Back takes us back again to the
beginnings of Generation X…to partying with the Beasties and Paul’s Boutique…to
biting into York Peppermint Pattys and getting the “sensation”…to wondering what
the hell Delta Burke’s Designing Women was really about…to getting a history
lesson from Billy Joel ‘cause you know we didn’t start the fire. No, we were too
focussed on the advancement of water gun technology and the correct in-door use
of the Super Soaker so as not to destroy the new SEGA Genesis home video game
system. And finally, Harry and Sally taught us just how difficult it is to spot
a fake orgasm and how impossible it is for men and women to just be friends.
Hey Ladies! This is 1989 Strikes Back!